Like many of you, I was devastated when my girlfriend broke up with me. To make matters worse, she did it over text, right after we spent some good time together during a festive season.
I was shocked, sad and angry at both her and her family. Because her family did not accept us and kept pressurising her to break up with me.
She tried her best to cope with her family. But eventually, especially after she had to move back to live with them and depend on them financially, she told me she couldn’t cope anymore.
This post is about us hanging out after the breakup so I will focus on that.
We live in different places so after the breakup it was not that difficult not to meet. After a few months, somehow, we decided to go on a holiday together. For me, it was tough because I was still grieving but on the other hand, I missed her a lot and being able to spend good time with her was all I cared about. My friends all thought I’m crazy and that I shouldn’t care about a person who doesn’t care enough to be with me despite the tough conditions. Logically my brain warned me of the heartache I would be feeling again but my heart convinced me otherwise.
So we went for a trip to a beautiful tropical island and she planned the itinerary while I provided the financial resources. We had an awesome time; it felt like she was still my girlfriend and that we were still together. We did not talk once about our relationship and she told me a few months ago. I also didn’t want to pursue that.
I wanted to make every moment with her count.
During the trip, we held hands, fed each other food, and basically behaved like a loving couple. I decided not to talk about heavy stuff because when I looked at her, I just wanted to capture that smile and look in my mind. Although I didn’t know what the future was and if this was permanent or not, I didn’t want to think too much. Both of us had set aside precious time for the trip and I wanted to treasure that. I decided to focus on having a good time with her, to bask in the love that we still had for each other.
After the trip, we talked as if we were still together. We skyped and enjoyed movies together – until one day she snapped. She snapped when I tried to show my concern for her as she was travelling to some place on her own. She told me to remember that we were not together and that we didn’t have any status.
That hurt me a lot. I suppose it hurt because I wanted to have her back, and I wanted to revive the love we had. And I was also confused. Didn’t we just have such a great trip last month? Didn’t we behaved lovingly?
Being slapped back to the cruel situation we were facing brought me back to square one of my healing. She went back to being both cold and distant – though she teared up a bit when she saw me in tears when I went to see her once more. And she came forward to hug me and told me I would be alright.
It hurt even more this time.
But I embraced it because I did not want to avoid this. Some people may say it is not a good idea to hang out with someone who dropped you like that but I knew I had to see her. I wanted to see her. Avoidance may provide relief temporarily but I needed to heal close to completion. And so I went with my heart; I still continued to open myself to her and communicated whenever she did as well.
What I’ve learnt from this is I really love her. I was angry at first and then deeply saddened but I remembered this was the person I fell in love with, and some of the qualities that made me fall in love with her were still there. So I hung onto those, as much as I could, and while they were still before my eyes.
For those of you who are hurting, by all means embrace it, if you can take it. If avoiding is a better solution for you, then by all means do so as well. There is no perfect solution to a broken heart, and neither is there “the best way” to react to a former love.
Whatever will be, will be.