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blog on relationships, coping strategies, couples counselling, how to deal with a sudden breakup, life coach, life coaching, relationship issues, relationship talk, the indo expat, unwanted breakups
If you’re reading this, you probably went through endless websites to find out why your partner could love you so much one day and then tell you it’s over the next day.
Yes, I’m with you on this because I have just experienced it not too long ago. I have also identified with the stages of breakup, and I believe I’m still somewhere at the beginning or close to the middle of it.
Like you, I was confused. I treated the person well, did things that you could only find in fairytales, but yet I was given a sudden goodbye, just when I thought things were going well – or at least the day before the breakup.
Many websites will tell you that the person didn’t just do it overnight and that they had thought about it for months or even years beforehand. But as I attempt to rewind all the scenes before the final one, nothing actually made any sense. Either that or my partner was an Oscar actor and I was dumber than dumb. But when you go all the way out to make your loved one feel love and spend quality time together, it’s hard to imagine the next day would be a cold and cruel one as you looked into their eyes.
That’s right. Even my partner’s eyes didn’t give me a window to their soul. Maybe I was indeed blinded by this person whom I thought loved me very much. Maybe this person did. But they just couldn’t face their own demons. And so they lashed at the nearest person – me.
Like a wounded dog, I was hurt and angry at the wounds inflicted upon me, and I limped along. Unlike my previous breakups though, I decided to let myself feel the pain, instead of finding quick antidotes to heal. I was lucky that I did not bring my previous baggage into my new relationships.
That means I trusted with all my heart. And I possibly ignored red flags.
But when you love someone, you want to see the good in them. You want to forgive and forget the bad in them, unless of course, they’re physically abusive. But I have since learnt that mental abuse can be just as damaging, if not worse, than the physical one. Because mental abuse is not as visible as the physical one, it is even harder to heal. You can’t simply put some medicine or get an injection or surgery to fix yourself.
Then I realised that I have been masking my eyes; I simply didn’t want to accept that people can be cruel and not as nice as I paint them to be. It is only when they hurl so much crap into my face that I couldn’t stomach anymore that I actually started to see them in a different light.
So yes, some of us get to know what our limit or threshold is, especially in a bad situation.
Like most of you though, I go through cycles where I got angry and was determined to convince myself that I had dodged a bullet as I did not need to spend the rest of my life with such a cruel partner; and other days I recalled the good times we had, and the little things that were specially done for me to make me feel loved.
Of course, the latter only brought me tears.
So if you’re going through a hard time now after a sudden unwanted breakup, I hope you know that it is ok to feel the pain but take care of yourself because there is a lot of beauty awaiting you in life.