If you’re like me, you prioritise your partner when you’re in love. Even when you’re angry or having an argument that they started, you still apologise and try to cheer them up – while swallowing your pride and ego. In fact, having pride and ego won’t get you much loving in a romantic relationship.
So like most love stories, I was in several relationships where I thought the girl was my angel and that I would do anything to make her happy. That means I’ve brought meals to bed when she’s too lazy to get out of bed, hunt around for that pair of heels that she wanted (and sent me a picture of), moved closer to where she was because she said she didn’t have the finance (and family approval) to do so, and so on and so forth.
I even made it a point to be nice to her parents and make them laugh wherever possible.
Even if they disapprove of our relationship and so hates me for “taking their daughter” away.
When I dated girls who were still at college, I thought, “Ok I guess they need time to be independent,” and I dismissed any lack of interpersonal skills as merely because they needed time to be independent.
Then when I dated girls who were already making their own money, I still ended up being the one who provided financially, and strangely, I’ve never thought of the fact that they didn’t offer to at least buy me a meal every now and then, or at that we could alternate spending and other ways of letting them contribute.
My good friends at that time said I made it too easy by willingly spending my hard-earned money when a relationship is all about sharing.
I simply laughed that off.
But after a recently breakup, I began to notice my own habits and patterns. And I realised I’ve put my partners on a pedestral – and they’re all unappreciative.
In fact, the recent one told me that I didn’t have to do all that, and that “no one told you to come”.
We had been through some serious storms and it hurt to hear her say that. Then I start to wonder, why do I allow myself to be treated that way?
And I actually know the answer.
I was actually afraid of losing her. So I probably did all that so she would be happy. And happy people don’t leave, right?
Wrong. I looked at the people she’s surrounded by. No one really does anything for her but she’s more than happy to be with them. Even when friends talked bad about her behind her back, or her family threatening to isolate her; she still wants to be with them.
And me? I open my doors to people (in her life) who dislike me just because they don’t agree with her preference, and in the end she left me.
So although we should think the best of people, I would say we should take that with a pinch of salt. It’s nice to think that a person is awesome, but when we are proven wrong we need to recognise that. For me, that’s really hard because when I love someone, I tend to overlook their flaws and keep wanting to believe that they’re just being human.
But it’s not human to leave someone who loves you and has given you much love. And certainly not to laugh in their faces when they’re upset.
Most parents want their child to be happy and to be with someone whom they love and who loves them.
Some parents want their child to only date who they approve. And this means they’ll have to live longer than their child so their child can continue to follow their instructions until the end of their lives.
If you have to put someone on a pedestral, that could be yourself.